Notes for April 2017
== THE ORIGINAL
Welcome, my friends,
to this year's FEEL GOOD SMALL TOWN DRAMA-ROMANCE with a small dash of
Imagine if you will,
SMALL TOWN AMERICA. This is somewhere in the West. Possibly like Eastern
Washington/Oregon, or a mountainous part of Colorado. Somewhere surprisingly
liberal for a rural community.
The morning train
pulls into the station siding at furthest of a series of small towns along a
small railroad branch line. The larger railroad company has kept this line
operating, mainly due to LOCAL INDUSTRIAL PLANT that the line extends to serve.
As the train's
locomotive toots once more on the horn and the doors on the two coaches open.
Out of the first, TRAIN CONDUCTOR CHRIS EVANS practically jumps, laying down a
yellow stool. Following are the passengers of the car: Mostly loud and
boistrous industrial workers. Mixed in are a few random townies, moving back
and forth for whatever reason.
The other car's door
opens and STATIONMASTER CHRIS PRATT is there to receive the yellow stool from
that car. He gingerly assists the youngest and oldest who need it. After
confirming the car has been cleared, CHRIS EVANS tosses the step back up into
the car. He winks at CHRIS PRATT who hands his step to the other car attendant.
The tran's steps fold up and hanging out the side of the coach, CHRIS EVANS
waves, ostensibly to nobody or nothing in particular, while giving CHRIS PRATT
THE GOOGLY EYES.
Having watched the
whole thing from her perch in the locomotive, KATE MCKINNON, rolls her eyes
and makes a face that CHRIS EVANS doesn't see. CHRIS PRATT sees it and rolls
his eyes. The train's horn blasts and it starts rolling again. There are
freight cars attached to the back of it heading toward the LOCAL INDUSTRIAL
PLANT. The cars need to be dropped off and then the train will come back for
its next run, back to THE MIDSIZED CITY.
The train, now
featuring slightly different freight cars, stops and the crew hops back out.
KATE MCKINNON climbs out and (somehow) puts her arms around both CHRIS PRATT
and CHRIS EVANS. They are joined by the STATION ASSISTANT and the SECOND CAR
ATTENDANT. KATE MCKINNON pops a bubble-gum bubble, loudly, and then says "It's
gonna be a great day, boys."
introduction song plays and the camera pans over the terminus, the town and the
// SYNOPSIS TIME //
All's good and well
in the #INDUSTRY_BELT. The shortline railroad (or branch line of a main
railroad, it kind of depends on what's more advantageous for the plot) connects
a series of small towns each with a few local businesses. CHRIS EVANS, being a
conductor on the train and good friends with literally everybody catches wind
that there's talk about the railroad beng shut down. Possibly some development
jackass who wants to rip out all the local homegrown townsfolks and replace
them with malls and suburbs. Their marketing plan is to basically say
"look at all this pristine nature! You could be living in it!" and
then destroy all the pristine nature to sell more homes once people buy into
This will make the
area more reliant on trucks, destroy the HARD WORKIN‚ SMALL TOWN AMERICAN
VALUES that everybody holds, and also alienate the people. Plus, just think of
the children! Also, some totes unlikeable sleazeballs (like, used car sales
types) are into this plan.
A few weird little
things happen, which sets CHRIS EVANS on an adventure to stop the development
and destruction of everything he likes so well.
CHRIS PRATT works on
things from the angle of convincing the local townspeople to help. He's
stationed in the far town, and his main challenge is helping the colorful cast
of local characters see the benefit of the train service.
ZOE SALDANA sits in her office, viewing some
kind of communique or news source. She‚s the tough as nails mayor of the
biggest town along the shortline/beltway or whatever people refer to the region
as. She‚s no-nonsense and wants to do what's best for the town.
It takes a few
discussions, and it almost appears ZOE SALDANA is just going to write CHRIS
PRATT off for good, but she eventually sees reason and is instrumental in
helping gather a lot of people.
OLD ASIAN OR HISPANIC WOMAN is inexplicably
completely rich. Nobody is completely sure, but she might have been robbing
jewelry stores in her youth. There's nothing to rob today, so she meanders
about town saying hello to people, quietly helping things along. Probably at
the end, she'll come out with this GIANT PILE OF MONEY and buy the shortline
from its parent railroad or whatever.
CHRIS EVANS‚ fight has taken him to Washington
DC where he's either gotta sue the railroad and/or development company or
convince THE BIG SCARY FEDERAL GOVERNMENT (except for Joe Biden who thinks the
whole thing is cool, but it turns out Vice President is honestly not very
important in the grand scheme of things and so unfortunately nobody really
takes his opinion‚ under advisement) that they need to assist. Anyway, CHRIS
EVANS is just about to give up when he pulls out a token of appreciation a
SPUNKY INSPIRATIONAL SMALL CHILD has given to him. This steels his nerves for
his upcoming DRAMATIC COURTROOM APPEARANCE.
The climax of the movie is when CHRIS PRATT
shows up in a huge chartered protest train. Even though they would have needed
to travel thousands of miles, and freight railroads have never cared a whole
lot about moving passengers or chartered passenger specials, CHRIS PRATT AND
THE PROTEST TRAIN show up at the literal exact moment. Hundreds of people from
the local area who the train impacts positively have shown up in its defense,
mostly at the behest of CHRIS PRATT and ZOE SALDANA. They flood onto the train
platform, inexplicably just in front (or extremely close to) the courtroom
where CHRIS EVANS is about to go make his DRAMATIC COURTROOM APPEARANCE.
Newly invigorated both by the parting charm
that was given to him when he left for the big city to make his case and also
by the appearance of literally everybody from his hometown region, CHRIS EVANS
makes a beautiful, impassioned case. Inexplicably, he is newly armed with lots
of evidence that providing functional passenger and freight service promotes
the economic health of the region and also it happens to employ CHRIS EVANS
Ruth Bader-Ginsburg, Joe Biden, CHRIS EVANS,
CHRIS PRATT, and ZOE SALDANA do a victory dance on Antonin Scalia‚s grave, and
before boarding the return journey of the chartered PROTEST TRAIN, CHRIS EVANS
and CHRIS PRATT share a Big Damn Kiss and everybody goes home, knowing that
there's plenty of work ahead.